Nevermind

Why didn't someone stop me when I was on my power trip? I'm so embarrassed about that last blog. Power? What power? The false kind, I tell ya. Like I'm queen of the world because I can look in a book and then mark an answer wrong. And then last night, when I was trying to help grade papers again, I couldn't even figure out the answer key, let alone what the students had written. The whole four papers I graded looked as bloody as Iraq with all the red scribbles I put on them. My husband graciously told me to go get some sleep.

I should throw in a scripture here found in Ecclesiastes that states: "...this is also vanity..."

Aaah, the Power

I can't think of much to write about this morning, so I will just tell you about the exciting part of my weekend: I got to grade MATH papers! I know what you're thinking, and it's okay to be jealous!

In order to make up for Negative Maren Week, I volunteered to help my husband grade junior high math assignments and quizes. He had roughly 5000 papers to go through. After much begging and pleading, he finally agreed.

Now, for those of you who know me, I CAN NOT DO MATH TO SAVE MY LIFE. Even the Kindergarten teacher I work with knows not to ask me questions such as, "we have no school Monday or Tuesday. So how many days that week do we go to school?" I'll just give her a blank stare. I don't even try to come up with answers anymore. To make it through college I had to have study group after study group and one on one help and many, many, many late nights.

So you can imagine the thrill it was to actually GRADE math papers! Granted, I had the answer key right in front of me, so I didn't actually have to DO math, except to figure the scores (which a calculator helped with). I felt so much power! I got to put big old X's through the wrong ones, or write "Nice Job!" on the perfect papers. I was in charge! Aaaah, the power!

I feel kind of bad bragging and showing you my true selfish side, but news like this just had to be shared. Thank you for feeling my joy.

Have a great day, readers!

Pretty please with sugar on top?

It's a universally known fact that I am a cheesecake lover. And my kids, being the really smart people that they are, have started asking for favors with that knowledge in mind.

Normal kids: "Mom, can I have more Pokemon cards? Pretty please? With sugar on top?"

My really smart kids: "Mom, can I have more Pokemon cards? Pretty please? With cheesecake on top? With a thousand cheesecakes on top?"

It has yet to win them more Pokemon cards, but boy are they clever!

So I'm going to take a cue from my kids and ask you all a favor:

Can you pretty please, with _________________ (insert whatever you really want in life) pray for me?

I don't know if this is wholly appropriate, but I really could use some help getting the job I want. I applied to be a preschool teacher through the Davis County School District. The hours are great, the pay is, too, and I get the summers off so I won't have to put my kids in day-care. I have most of the qualifications (just not CPR certification or a food handlers permit), excellent referrals, and I feel I could do a really good job at it. Plus it's only 5 minutes from my house. So, if I can pool together everyone's faith, I would really appreciate it.

A thousand thank-yous!

Thanksgiving in January

We've all heard of Christmas in July, right? Well, I need a Thanksgiving in January. I don't know if any of you have noticed lately, but I've been a tad bit on the teary, negative, weepy side of life. And THAT. MUST. STOP! So I've come up with some wonderful blessings in my life for which I am very grateful for.

The first is my husband. I married a truly amazing man. He's a hard worker, fiercely loyal, a quick forgiver (and boy am I glad for that this week!) who honors his priesthood and does his best at everything he does. AND he buys me chocolate cheesecake whenever we go to Barnes and Noble. I'll love him forever!

Next come the kidaroos. I really don't care to keep up with the Pokemon/High School Musical/Pokemon/Hannah Montana/Pokemon faze they are going through, and I sometimes I want to scream when they are literally racing through the hallway and over the couches when they are supposed to be in bed, but I'm so glad they are not vegetables. Sometimes I jokingly say that, but that was a real possible outcome for their lives because they were born so early. I'm glad to have active, healthy, creative, positive, smart kids.

The gospel is the greatest blessing in my life. Last week I had to teach the Sunbeams Heavenly Father's Plan of Happiness. I thought "to three year-olds?" But I'm so glad that I have always known the plan of salvation and that there is a real purpose in life. And that the God of heaven and earth, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and Heavenly Father loves me. Little old Maren who would most often sit on the top bunk of her cold basement bedroom and write in her journal all day and night was noticed and cared for by the most Supreme Being ever. And He gave me the gift of the Holy Ghost, priesthood blessings, parents who taught me the Gospel, and the scriptures which can solve all problems and bring peace to your soul. How blessed are we?

And I'm glad for my warm home that comes with a dishwasher, and two working cars, and clean white sheets and good books to read and Jane Austen movies to watch and such great and wonderful friends. And I couldn't make a blessing list without including my sisters, who serve me fancy meals on their best china, or call when I need a pick-me-up, or go the DI with me or inspire me to have such clean counters that I want to put even my toaster in a cupboard (but I don't. I just want to).

The list could go on and on but I'm sure there's not that much room on the internet. Plus I want to get back to my computer Freecell Solitaire game. I'm very grateful for that, too.

Count your blessings! What are some of yours?

Attention Food Storage Enthusiasts!

I know, two blogs in one day. What is the world coming to?

But this news couldn't wait until tomorrow. It's that exciting.

This morning I was making KP's delicious Wheat Blender Pancakes for breakfast. To make these pancakes, you get whole wheat and blend it with milk in the blender. Before I added the milk, however, I got to wondering....what would happen if you just put in plain whole wheat and pushed the "grind" button on the blender. Would it really grind the wheat? Guess what? IT DID! I made flour with whole wheat! In the blender! That means I really don't need a wheat grinder.

I wish my mom read my posts. She would be so proud...

Singin' In The Rain

I'm a firm believer that there is a song for almost every situation in life. Need some examples? Say you're having a bad day. Sing "I Had a Bad Day" by Daniel What's-His-Name (Powter?). Good day? Sing "I'm So Excited (dun dun dun) That I just can't hide it (dun dun duuuun dun) I'm about to loose control..." Or, say you're my brother-in-law Brad, and you're getting your daily exercise by walking on campus. There's no better song than "I would walk 100 miles and I would walk 100 more..." I think you catch my drift.

There are, however, some circumstances in life where an already-made-up song just doesn't cut it. That's when you need to make up your own. Let me guide you through the ins and outs of making up your own song (it's really quite simple):
-You cannot make up your own tune. Just your own words. Otherwise people think you're crazy.
-Sing loud and proud.
-Sing in an opera voice. This gives you more authority.

I'm sure you're wondering where this blog is headed. Well let me tell you. The time has come for me to look for a full-time job. Currently I have a part-time job and love it. But the pay check isn't cutting it. I did receive an offer out of the blue from the Admissions Office (where I worked 7 years ago) offering me my old job. But I don't want to spend 2 hours a day commuting. So yesterday I talked to my boss (the principal) at the school I work at. Of course I cried. (So much for professionalism and confidence.) Needless to say, yesterday was a hard day all the way around.

So Daniel Powter's "I Had a Bad Day" just didn't give my day justice. I had to make up my own song. Plus it wasn't a really bad day. Just a hard day. So here is my song, to the tune of "Oh What Do You Do In The Summertime?"
Oh what do you do to work full-time
Because you need more pay?
Do your cares do you toss?
Or cry to your boss?
Or apply for jobs all daaaay?
Is that what you do?
Oh, Okaaaaaay.
Music just makes you feel better, doesn't it?

Pop Quiz

Today, class, we are going to have a pop quiz. My husband is starting a long-term substitute teaching job at a local junior high. He will be teaching math. As a consequence, last night he studied his textbook to re-learn pre-algebra. Being the smart man that he is, it didn't take him too long. But I got to wondering: what do I remember from my education? What do you remember? With some help from my friends at http://www.triviaplaying.com/, I've come up with some questions for our quiz.

1. What famous document begins: "When in the course of human events..."?
A. Declaration of Independence

2. What do you call an angle more than 90 degrees and less than 180 degrees?
A. Obtuse

3. How many U.S. states border the Gulf of Mexico?
A. 5

4. Which country has more tractors per capita: Canada, Iceland, or Japan?
A. Iceland

5. What did the ancient Greeks believe to be a cross between a tiger and a horse?
A. Zebra

6. What are the two top selling spices in the world?
A. Pepper and mustard, in that order

7. What planet is closest in size to our moon?
A. Mercury

Extra Credit: What is Common Sense? (My friend Elizabeth better know this one...)

Now, I hope that none of you have fallen asleep during class today. Grade your test and send me the results. The one with the highest grade gets an A. Yes, I do grade on a curve.

Todays homework: learn something new. Then tell me what it is.

Class dismissed.

I Got "Malled" This Weekend

On Saturday night, the hubby and I had a date. A real, actual, no kids allowed date. Minus the money. So what do you do when you have the time but not the money? You make like Junior High kids and hang out at the mall.


Now, I like the mall as much as the next person. But I only go once a month, and I only go the the Pearl Vision store on the second floor because one of my son's glasses are bent funny and I can't fix them. When I need clothes (and when don't I?) I frequent my favorite store, the Deseret Industries. Where else can you find "treasures" like shoes, furniture, shirts and the like for cheap-cheap-cheap? No where else, that's where.

So the mall was an eye-opener. After seeing a $58 shirt, we decided that we weren't going to look at price tags for the rest of the night. That made the adventure much more fun. We looked at clothes, luggage, purses, jewelry, chess sets (that wasn't my idea, btw) and perfume. And I decided maybe I need to be a little higher maintenance. Maybe I should buy clothes that are in style and brand new. Maybe I should buy not only perfume, but matching deoderant and shampoo. Perhaps I do need a designer bag. And don't even get me started on the shoes!

I came home with a head full of dreams and not a single item. I looked through my closet to see if anything would do now that I know what's out there. And guess what? I still can't get over the fact that I got all those clothes for practically nothing. And I love them! Turns out I'm pretty happy being the low-mainentance gal that I am.

So who wants to go to the DI?

I've Got A Pair of Fine Eyes

In honor of Masterpiece Theater's Jane Austen series (on tonight, but I'm sure you already know that), I thought I would take this quiz. Who do you think you would be in Austen's novels?

Which Jane Austen Character are You? (For Females) Long Quiz!!! created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Elizabeth Bennet As one of Austen's most beloved characters, Elizabeth Bennet represents what most women would like to become: strong, independent, and loyal. Of course, she has her faults including a stubborn will of iron and a clinging to first impressions. Overall, Lizzie is bright and lovable...something to admire and aspire to. Elizabeth Bennet 75% Emma Woodhouse 59% Elinor Dashwood 56% Marianne Dashwood 53% Jane Bennet 53% Charlotte Lucas 34% Lady Catherine 16%

Amendment I

I hereby declare that since it's still January we can still make New Year's Resolutions. I resolve to:

-Eat only one treat per day. 1 1/2 Cinnamon rolls followed by mint-chocolate Dibs is too much in one day. Lucky Charms do not count as a treat.

- Not yawn. No matter how many or few hours of sleep I get, I must not yawn. Especially when someone (like my boss) is talking to me.

That ought to do it. Anybody else want to make more resolutions?

I Went Wah Wah Wah All the Way Home

Yesterday I decided to go to the gym. It had been a week and a half since I had been, what with having strep throat and all last week. I should have just walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes, but no - I wanted to take my all-time favorite class: Bodycombat. I call it Kung Fu for an hour. You kick, karate chop, and "Hee-YA" till you come home sore, and I bet I could chop a board in half with my bare hands (kidding).

But guess what happened? I burned out. I QUIT half way through the class. Yes, LEFT THE CLASS. Went home. And the whole way home I cried, because I thought I was such a loser (not a loser of weight, but, you know...).

Don't worry, I'm over it now. I realized I'm in delicate health and must take care of myself and rest up and eat chocolate and wait until I'm good and ready to exercise before going back. (I plan on working out tonight - I'm not that much of a quiter.) But I did learn a lesson: don't kill yourself. It's not worth it. But, still do what you can.

Which went along perfectly with last night's Enrichment Night. We learned about stretching yourself, not stressing yourself. Here are some everyday exercise ideas you can do at home:

-while brushing your teeth, flex your gluts the whole time
-while blow drying your hair, to hip-hop abs
-when doing laundry, do full squats to pick up clothes
-Jump rope for 3 min. in front of the mirror. Watch it jiggle, it motivates you to do more.
-do lunges while you vaccuum
-hold your tummy in whenever you do a job, like emptying the dishwasher. If you hold your tummy in for an hour, it's like doing 100 sit-ups.

These are not my ideas, but they are certainly worth a try. With ideas like these, who needs a gym pass? Happy exercising!

Saisons

My dear sis called me last night (Hi Jess!). I had a great time talking to her and was reminded of my college days, since she is right in the middle of it all (actually, she's right towards the end of it all). The small apartment, the no sleep, the deciding of classes to take. Those were great days.

Let me take you back to the one glory day of college for me. Yes, I pretty much only had one glory day, but it was at the beginning of my college career and gave me hope for the next 5 years.

Winter Quarter 1993: cold as it gets, snow so high they canceled school once or twice, and I'm in French 101 with my best friend, Elizabeth. We are both not outgoing, both insecure Freshman, and both had to give our final presentation in French in front of the whole class. For ten whole minutes. Did I mention we couldn't speak English at all? For ten minutes? And we're not outgoing? And there was a really good-looking guy in that class (I wasn't married yet, you know).

Being the procrastinators that we are (and were), we left our preparation until the night before. But we did prepare for that night in a big way. We were set with Dr. Pepper, chocolate waxy donuts, and licorice. We started around 9 pm (I had to work, you know), and spent almost the entire night preparing to talk about the four seasons. We cut out snowflakes for winter, leaves for fall, and glued beautiful pictures from the National Geographic onto construction paper to represent the seasons. We gulped Dr. Pepper, ate chocolate waxy donuts, and licorice. We prepared our speeches, got all of our props ready, and ate chocolate waxy donuts, licorice, and downed more and more Dr. Pepper. Finally, around 4 am, we finished. The donuts were gone, so was the DP, and the licorice. We also had finished our presentation.

We read our scriptures (about the stripling warriors and compared ourselves to them - we were going to conquer this challenge ahead of us!), and went to sleep for one whole hour.

Now, Liz and I were not only shy procrastinators, but we were poor shy procrastinators. We had to ride the bus to the U of U every morning. We rode that #41 bus for a solid hour, with nothing but 1 hour of sleep, bags and bags of props, and a serious sugar drop to accompany us. We arrived bright and early and extremely sick to our French class that morning.

After hours of preparation, no sleep, and Dr. Pepper burps, we really could care less how we did on our presentation. We just wanted to get it over with!

And get it over with we did. We dressed up in heavy coats and threw snowflakes into the air, we threw a football and paper leaves all over the classroom, we talked (in French, of course) about wind and used our umbrellas to talk about Spring. We pretended to go to the beach in the summer, complete with sunscreen. We made a mess of the classroom, got everybody (including the professor) laughing, and felt like we were on top of the world. The two shy girls in the back of the class had finally arrived.

After that, I felt I could handle college. Life was good. The sleepless nights are worth it, the studying and studying is worth it. The riding of the bus for 3 hours a day was worth it. Being poor despite working your tale off is worth it. You learn so much about yourself, about what you can handle, and feel such a sense of accomplishment that it's worth the price you pay.

We did, however, stop the whole chocolate waxy donut, Dr. Pepper and licorice habit.

And we both got A's.

Excellent Boiled Potatoes

Yesterday the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and the world in general was blissful and calm.

Oh wait. That didn't really happen. But something close to it did. Masterpiece Theater decided to show the complete Jane Austen series. For the next few Sundays, from 8 to 10, America can sit on couches after the kids have gone to bed and enjoy true chick flicks. I, for one, applaude PBS.

Last night Persuasion was shown. This is my favorite Jane Austen novel, so I was excited to see the movie. And it didn't disappoint. Captain Wentworth was handsome, Anne was humble and repentant, and there was a happy ending for all. There is nothing better than a good Jane Austen flick.

So, set your TiVos, or in my case, push Record for the good, old VHS system, and enjoy Anne, Elizabeth, Emma, Elinor, Ms. Bates, and Catherine Morland.

This is better than chocolate, folks!

P.S. I'm sure you are all wondering if I'm better. I'm happy to report that thanks to the invention of Amoxicillan, I can now eat solid food. No more mashed potatoes and creamed corn for me!

Sleepless in Hawaii

Well, folks, my three days of sleeping have finally caught up with me. Last night I couldn't sleep. Early this morning I couldn't sleep. Right now I can't sleep. I'm sure you are boldly assuming that that means I am better, right? WRONG! I am on a don't-eat-or-drink-anything-at-all-diet because everything must first pass through my throat, which is off limits at the moment. My mom told me to gargle with vinegar and salt water, so that is the only thing happening to my throat right now.

But I digress. Really my blog is about not sleeping. How do you get to sleep when insomnia hits? I tried the usual for me: I pretended I was laying on a private beach in Hawaii with the warm sun beating down on me and the sound of the ocean in the background. I was breathing in the humid air loving the fact that I could breathe. But I kept thinking about creepy, crawly beach life that could sneak up on me at any time and pinch me (lobster, krabs...).

So I tried Ireland. Ireland is pretty. Rolling green hills, maybe a meandering stream here and there. Celtic flute music playing in the background, with maybe a sheep blat or two (sheep are good for sleeping, right?). But I was afraid of laying down in the grass because I'm sure it's soggy. (How did it get so green in the first place? Water, my friends. And I can't sleep in water. That would be called a nightmare.)

Next I just tried to keep my mind open. Maybe travelling wasn't going to do it after all. So I thought about writing a novel. (That kept me awake for a good three hours. ) I thought of blogging and Liz's new duplex and I my cute nephew Zeke and the drama that is called Britney Speirs. I thought of Norman Vincent Peale and how he always says to be positive. I thought of monsters and phantoms and vampires (the good kind, like Edward Cullen). I thought of guzzling down an ice cold 32 ounces of water in one big breath, followed by an icy Diet Coke (and I'm not even a pop drinker).

And then it happened. My alarm went off and I WOKE UP! Somehow I did make it to sleep after all.

So how about you? What helps you go to sleep on sleepless nights? And don't tell me you don't have them! Just humor me, will ya?

The BEST Chicken Noodle Soup

Tuesday morning I woke up and felt as though I had been hit by a Mack truck. I had a migraine, a fever, my throat was on fire, and EVERY part of my body hurt (even my thumbs). For those of you keeping track, that's why I didn't blog on Tuesday. I slept for 36 hours. And moaned.

But enough about me. When the mom sleeps for 36 hours, that means Dad has to step in. My husband was incredible. He did the grocery shopping, made dinner, did the dishes, homework - the whole shebang. And he did it again yesterday.

Now, I am the official cook and bottle washer at my house. I enjoy cooking, have the time for it, and do a fairly good job. Darin, on the other hand, enjoys it, but doesn't have the time, or (I once thought), the talent. These last two days have proved me wrong. Tuesday night he made tuna burgers, which were nice and warm on my sore throat. But the true miracle happened last night.

When Darin cooks, he always likes to "add a little something" so the meal won't be boring. I like to call it "a dash of Darin." All I could think of for dinner that would help my throat was chicken noodle soup. He made some -from scratch! He had the chicken, the broth, carrots, green peppers, and noodles. But then he added the "dash of Darin." The surprise ingredient? Sweet and sour sauce! It smelled like S&S Almond Chicken from Chin Wah, my favorite dish at my favorite Chinese Restaurant in Sandy. And it tasted sooo good! Even my kids, who are not big soup lovers, ate it by the bowl full.

Don't wait until your sick to try this. Make your own S&S Chicken Noodle Soup with a side of egg rolls and you won't need to go to Chin Wah (unless you want a date and some fried shrimp).

Thanks Darin!

Dear Dad,

Do you remember many, many years ago you took me on a walk and told me to pay attention to the details? You told me to look up, down, and all around and notice what was going on. I tried to remember everything about that walk, especially that I was going on a walk with just my dad. At the end of our street there was a nail on the sidewalk. It was small and bent, and nobody would have noticed it before. I know I didn't, but you did. It could've hurt someone.

You taught me to pay attention to detail, which helped me graduate from high school and college, and has helped me in every job I have had.

Then there was the time you took just me to Butterfield Canyon. You taught me how to skip rocks. I still can't do it to this day, but you sure did spend a whole lot of time teaching me.

You taught me patience and how to enjoy the beauty of nature.

You grew up in sad conditions. With a mother that left you, an alcoholic and abusive father, and many foster homes, you didn't have an ideal childhood. Yet I've never heard you speak ill of those experiences or people.

You taught me forgiveness.

You've had many health problems throughout your life. You've dealt with cancer, ulcers, and migraine after migraine after migraine. Yet no matter when we asked, whether at midnight or during an intense migraine, you would always give us a priesthood blessing. Always.

You taught me the importance of the priesthood.

You have taught me so many importance lessons just by the way you have lived your life. You haven't always been perfect, but nobody is. You taught me to always be kind to animals by the way you would hold Cally each night and make her purr, you taught algebra at midnight once (or twice) because I just can't get math through my head, you picked me up late at night every time I worked at Duff's Smorgasbord so I wouldn't have to wait in the dark alley by myself, and you singlehandedly got me my high school job at Panda Restaurant just by knowing the owner. You were there for my temple wedding and all the temple weddings in our family. And we can always count on you for a good movie suggestion. You are a great cook and very smart.

I love you.

Happy Birthday - you deserve it!

The Sunday Edition

Today was the first Sunday that Darin and I got to be Sunbeam teachers. It's a daunting task. Eight three-year-olds that don't know or trust us are stuck with us for two whole hours.

We had a great time!

After letting them discuss their important issues, such as their favorite toys (Barbies and stuffed animals and dinosaurs) and foods (tacos, noodle soup and cheese sandwiches), we finally got down to business: who are they and what are they going to be when they grow up. The answer is simple: they are children of Heavenly Father, who loves them, and they are going to be princes and princesses. We only had to convince one kid that no, he isn't going to be a dinosaur when he grows up. The easy part was that the girls already knew they were princesses.

And it's true! Heavenly Father loves all of us and we are His children! We all have an important work to do on this earth and we can do it! It's easy to convince a three-year old of this, but we need to remember that even as adults, Heavenly Father loves us. All the time. Through all the problems. There is no randomness to our nature. We all have a purpose and a king, a God, an all-knowing person rooting for us!

How cool is that!

Your Last Supper

I recently went to the county library to return some overdue books. On my way out the door, a book on display caught my attention. It's called My Last Supper - 50 Great Chefs and Their Final Meals by Melanie Dunea. It's a book about food: how could I not get it?

I found it very interesting. Not interesting enough to buy, or even to check out again. But fun mind fluff nonetheless. The 50 chefs, 99% of I have never heard of (Rachael Ray wasn't listed), talked about what their last meal would be. They ranged from very elaborate to extremely simple to just plain weird. Here are some examples:

-flor de huevo y tartufo en grasa de oca co txistorra de datiles (a flower of egg and tartufo in goose fat with chorizo and dates). (Huh? And that was just the first course!)

- Tuna BLT sandwich with french fries and Heinz ketchup and Krispy Kreme doughnut (fairly normal)

- Roast squab...and the perfect plump hot dog (what is squab?)

-A few crisp, cold, spicy radishes

- Wild blowfish sashimi with liver, fried blowfish cheeks, clear blowfish soup with temomi somen noodle, and blowfish-testicle pudding with thousand year old balsamic vinegar (does someone like blowfish?)

-A simple dish, a slice of toasted country bread, some olive oil, shaved black truffles, rock salt and black pepper.

-Roast bone marrow (from veal, I guess)

After browsing through the book, I got to thinking about my last meal. It would consist of a nice, thick, juicy medium-well steak. Skip the veggies and fillers, like potatoes and rice. Go straight to dessert. I would have three cheesecakes: a perfect, plain, graham cracker crust New York cheesecake; my mom's cherry cheesecake, and lastly, but certainly the most important part of the meal, Olive Garden's Black Tie Mousse Cake. And I wouldn't share. But I would like company. You can all have the same thing if you like. (The reason it would be my last meal is probably because of all the cholesterol-I'll keel over and die if I really did that for dinner).

What about you? What would your last meal be? Parsnips? Bread? Bone marrow (just kidding)? Let me know!

An Ode to My Commenters

When Maren started out as a blogger,
She didn't know if anyone would bother
To read what she wrote,
Much less leave a note,
If one does read, would they count it as fodder?

But much to her delight,
When she checks her blog each night,
She has a message from K P,
One from Brad and from Jessie,
And it encourages her to write and write and write.

So thanks, my faithful friends,
For taking time to send
A little something every day
That makes me want to say
"I'm gonna blog and blog until the very end!"

No Pets Allowed

I grew up with many, many pets. My parents were very good to let us try caring for new animals. Here's a history of some of those pets and what happened to them:

-The first pet I remember was our overweight goldfish. He would repeatedly get stuck in our hole in the rock tank toy. Sadly, we had to give him away to the Humes' when lightning struck his tank.

-Next came ducks. We had two, and we were THE place to go for after school snacks. First, we would search the yard for eggs. Next, my brothers would microwave the eggs, and all the neighbor kids could say they ate a duck egg. So gross. These ducks, however, pooped and pooped and pooped, and us kids didn't dare to play in the backyard for fear of what we would step into. Sadly, we gave the ducks to the Humes' across the street.

-Our first cat was named Cally, because she was a Calico. After loving her, bonding with her, playing with her and having her become a beloved member of the family, the dog across the street decided to eat her neck. Yeah, it was bad.

-Our second cat was a siamese named Muffin. She had babies on Chris's bed, and we gave one away to the neighbor up the street. When the neighbor realized it wasn't litter box trained (uh, because it had just been born), she got in a fight with my mom. A literal, punch 'em out, on the front lawn, complete with swear words (from her, not my mom) fight. We eventually had to give Muffin and her young 'uns away because someone in our family was allergic (right, Jess?)

-We had bunnies, but our neighbors Criscoed them. We had a bird but it wouldn't shut the heck up.

-And then we got Charly, our overweight Golden Retriever. Yes, he pooped. Yes, he shed. And shed. And stunk. And slept. But we put up with that because he was part of the family. (After all, at one point or another somebody in the family was pooping, shedding, stinking or sleeping.) After years of love, caring and walks, he developed cancer and died.

You could say I'm a bit bitter when it comes to pets. They all had a tragic ending. And so, when my kids beg and plead for a pet, I have to say no. Absolutely no. After putting up with poop, hair, smelliness, chirpiness, unstucking them from their tank toys, enduring the fumes from cooking their eggs, trying to de-Crisco them, yet loving them all the same, they have to leave. Through death or the Humes'.

To me, it's just not worth it.

(Will somebody pass me a tissue?)

Dad's To Do List

I often make my kids a "to do" list. It usually includes stuff like "clean your room," "put away your laundry," "organize the shoe closet," "dust," or "do a happy dance." (I'm kidding on that last one, but I may add it to their lists in the future.) Well, my son made Darin a "to do" list the other day that we thought was really cute. Here it is:

Do the motl bot (meaning, "do the model boat" Darin has been working on to give to Tanner)

Kiss Mom on the lips

Go for u drive with me

Get yor chors dun

Hug mom

Kol Grandma and say thanks

Is that precious or what? Some people's kids....

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everybody! I thought I would start the new year off right and create my own blog. I love to read other blogs, so I thought I would make my own. Hopefully I'll get the hang of it. Facebook confused me to no end. Is blogging easier?

Enough chit-chat. Let's talk resolutions. Experts agree that if you write down your goals, you are more likely to accomplish them. (Trust me, I've read enough self-help books to know what the experts say.)

Let me take you back to December 31, 1989 at 9:51 pm. I was down in the basement sitting on my bed writing in my journal (no I wasn't out with friends.....), contemplating the new year. My resolutions for that year were what every teenager at that time wanted: a busy but FUN life, meet TONS of new people and friends, stay CLOSE to the weight I was, get a CLEAR, ZITLESS face, and, of course, meet the NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK. A tall order? Yes. Impossible? Yes again. But did that stop me?

Fast forward to Sunday, September 2, 1990, 12:32 pm. I was down in the basement, sitting on my bed (I had the top bunk), writing in my journal. And guess what I was writing about? The NKOTB concert I had been to that weekend. I quote: "I had SO much FUN!!! Jonathon looked right at me!!! Even though I sat in the back. Jonathan in SO cute!" My New Year's resolution was accomplished. You see, when the man of your dreams looks you straight in the eyes, you don't need to meet formally. Your souls meet. Mission accomplished.

So what about you? Have you accomplished any impossible New Year's Resolutions? Have you written down any for this year? Let me know! As for me, I'm going shallow this year. My resolutions are to go to the Cheesecake Factory at least once this year, and have a cute front porch. Oh yeah, and become self-reliant in the financial area of my life.

Happy New Year!